Prison Payback Story with John Kiriakou

There was this [ __ ] guy. Bring it. Oh my god. There was this guy who everybody hated. He just would not shut his mouth all the time. And so he used to date this A-list Hollywood star. He was in People magazine every once in a while. He was just a con man. and he would say, "Oh, when we get out, you got to come onto my yacht and we're going to go around the Mediterranean on my giant yacht and we're going to party at my house in Beverly Hills." He didn't have any of this stuff. It was just all made up. He was a degenerate gambler and he was just borrowing from this gang to pay that gang and then he'd lose there and have to borrow from this other guy and pay this other guy and it was just a mess. And I said to one of the Italians one day, "I'm gonna this guy up. I just cannot stand listening to him anymore." And um he got to you. Yeah, he got to me. And the Italians like, "Are you crazy? You're going to go straight to solitary." And I said, "No, no, no. You underestimate me. I'm not going to be so crude as to actually him up with my hands." I said, "Watch and see what I do. Okay. Well, when you're being released from prison, there's this form that they give you called a merrygoround. It it lists every office in the prison, and you have to go around on your last day and get a signature. It's completely nonsensical. You're getting out in a day. Really, what they want you to do is to spend an entire day just going around um so you don't get in trouble on your last day settling scores. So, I asked one of the Italians if Oh, right. Yeah. I asked one of the Italians if he could steal a laundry bag for me. So, he gave me a laundry bag that he took from Laundry. And I um one of my cellmates was getting out and I said, "Jose, can I can I borrow your your merrygoround for for an hour?" He said, "Yeah, sure." So, he gave me the merrygoround. I whited out. I made a photocopy. I whited out his name and his his prisoner number. Made a clean photocopy so it looked like an original merrygoround. I'm gonna call this Wallace. That's what I called him in the book. And so I waited until 5:00 on Friday and I put the merrygoround and the laundry bag on his bed. He comes into the cell. He's like, "Hey guys, we said, "Hey, Wallace, how you doing?" He goes over to his bed and he gasps. I said, "What?" He goes, "I'm being released." I said, "What?" He says, "There's a merrygoround and my laundry bag. I'm being released." He goes, "I must have won my appeal." We're like, "Wall, nobody wins their appeals." He says, "I have to call my lawyer." Well, even big New York lawyers go home at 5:00 on a Friday. So, the lawyer's not there. He runs to the unit manager. He's already gone for the day. He runs to the case officer. He's already gone for the day. He comes back to the cell. He's like almost in tears. He's so happy. And the Italian says, "Wallace, we got to have a big party for you Sunday night. We're going to have a going away party." He's like, "Oh, thank you guys. Thank you. Thank you." On Saturday, he gave away all of his possessions. So, Sunday comes. Oh, we have the big party for him. Everybody's wishing him well. Monday morning, we all walk with him to R&D. Receiving and discharge. It's where they physically open the door and they let you go. He goes into R&D. This is what the R&D guard told us afterwards. He goes into R&D. The R&D guard says, "Who the hell are you?" He says, "I'm Wallace. What are you doing here?" He said, "I'm going home." He hands him the merry-goround. The guy looks at the merry-goround. He says, "Turn around. You're under arrest." He goes, "For what?" Attempted escape. So they cuff him. Oh my gosh. They cuff him. They take him to solitary. He spends two weeks there and then they transfer him to another prison. So, I heard later that they never charged him with attempted escape because they couldn't prove that he had doctorred the the merry-goround. I had, but we never saw him again. Oh, yeah. And I told one of the one of the big guys, the maid guys, I said, "I told you I was going to that guy up. I thought he would never shut his mouth. That's what this taught me to do." Whoa. Dude, you took his soul. Wow. Yeah. You didn't you didn't try to break his face. You you just crushed his spirit. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's that's incredible, man. H how did like who were you who are you most who are you most allied with and what did that like gain you more respect? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Once word got out that I was with the Italians, nobody dared lift a finger against me. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And you know what? I'm still in touched to like a mafia. Oh, yeah. In fact, in fact, one of them, one of them is a boss today.